You knew what you were getting into...

Welcome to my insanity:).

I thought I should start this blog by talking a bit about myself and why I feel that I have something to say that others may be able to relate to in some small way.

I am a 37 yr old women married to a man that has 3 young children.  I guess that would make me stepmom to 3 young children, two girls- 7, 9 and a boy- almost 5.  My husband and I have shared custody with his ex-wife meaning that his children live with us 50% of the time. For the first 2 years of our relationship the children lived with their Mother and my husband had limited access to his children.  This was not due to any failing on his part to be a great father and provider it was due to their Mother's belief that they did not need to see him in order to be happy young children nor healthy adults.  My husband, boyfriend at the time, felt differently and I whole heartedly agreed.  This is where people start to assume I had any clue as to what I was getting myself into.  Being a person that always leaps before I look and jumps in with both feet and a blind fold I very altruistically announced that he needed to fight for shared custody of his children and that I was going to help him by doing whatever it took.  Little did I know that it would take a 1.5 yr court battle, our life savings, constant animosity and anger from his ex-wife and a portion of my sanity?  

His ex-wife had purchased a duplex in a bedroom community outside of the city where I loved to live.  Did I mention I was a career girl living in the city with no children of my own?  So we decided to get rid of my lovely flat with its English Garden and non-kid friendly 1 bedroom, well two but I was using the second bedroom for my shoes and clothes, and moved to a 3 bedroom house in Suburbia.  Again, people assume I knew what I was doing.  Let me ask at this point...does anyone really  know what they are doing when they give up their city life for the burbs, their single life for marriage or their kid free life for three already born already have a Mom and a life before you kids?

My love and I were convinced that all would be settled by October at the latest (we bought the house in August).  Well the fates were certainly laughing at us and our foolhardy belief in the family court system.  I will skim over the next two years as I will be sharing some of that time in later blogs but suffice to say that a year past and then another 8 months and $50,000before a judge finally granted my husband the ability to be involved in the upbringing of his children.

Well, you would think that all has been sunshine and roses ever since...we both got what we wanted after all.  We had shared custody, he could be a father, I could be a whatever it is I am- taxi driver, punching bag, bank, women trying to steal her children, not a Mother but still not not a Mother (sorry for the double negative but it fits here).  Loved by the children, hated by their Mother and her family, loved by my husband, whispered about at school and so on and so forth. 

When I testified for my husband in court, yes ladies I had to testify and be cross examined, his ex-wife's lawyer asked me "what exactly is a Stepmother?”  To which I answered "that is a really good question.  I am confused by it too".

So I am here looking for the answer to that question and hoping to find a sisterhood of women looking to do the same.  I am not a doctor or a shrink, I will not be able to make the 'bitch' go away or make the kids behave and accept their situation.  I am simply a women looking for the answer to the age old question "where the hell am I,how did I get here and how do I live here now that I am?” 

And for the record so I never have to hear it again- I so did not 'know what I was getting myself into.'

Thanks for listening and bye for now

TNESm (the not so evil stepmom)

I welcome your comments and experiences.